Mistakes (I've Made a Few)

By the time I get around to posting stuff lately it's already old news, but it's still on my mind so I decided to write about it.

Anyways last week I made a few mistakes. Some more serious than others, but it impressed on me how quickly something can be ruined. The wrong word here, or a moment of hesitation and suddenly everything's changed.

As I begin this list I'm suddenly struck by how much I like to make lists and organize everything by number. Perhaps I have autistic tendencies as my sister has suggested (she works with children who have autism so she know's what she's talking about). I should get to my point before Wapner is on though.

The first mistake was agreeing even if it was only tacitly to continue working for the refractory company for a little while longer after the current project was finished. I could use the money I realize, and I know it's not a permanent position but it feels like my prison term has just been lengthened just when I was about to get paroled. Even now I feel guilty for complaining so much about the job. It's not like I have dozens of career options right now.

The second mistake was hesitating when they asked me at work to head down to Medicine Hat for the weekend to help on a job. It would have been really nice pay with double time and all sorts of expense stuff added. But I hesitated as I really wasn't sure about the condition of my car, and my enthusiasm for the job was at a very low point that morning. So I told my foreman that I would get back to him with an answer, and he said he would need to know by the next day. So I talked to my Dad and he suggested I should go, possibly getting a ride with someone else who was heading down there. The next day I told him I could go, but he had assumed that my hesitation was a negative, and the job was already full besides. It probably would have been really sucky anyways I tell myself.

The third mistake was agreeing to go out the Tuesday before last. I was really tired and quite grumpy that night. My grumpiness has been a constant thing these past few week, but it was especially bad that night. The Thursday before I had headed out to B.P.'s and I felt the same way. I quickly realized it was a mistake as I had no desire to talk with anyone, and I really didn't want anything to eat. Needless to say I wasn't there too long. So on Tuesday I headed out and I started to dwell a little obsessively on some issues. As I was driving I almost turned around and headed home and I probably should have in retrospect.

The last mistake was probably the one that I ended up regretting the most. On that same Tuesday night I received some bad news that I knew was coming. I had an okay time being out because I was distracted. I didn't really know how to deal with some issues that were bothering me, and I began to get really wound up about it on the ride home. Without going into any details I expressed my frustrations in an unhealthy manner, and I hurt someone that I care about greatly. I'm certainly not proud of my petulance now, but I know that we can now move on and discuss our problems like adults.

It's trite but these mistakes really were learning experiences for me. Hopefully though I don't have too many more "learning experiences".

Buh Bye Summer, We Hardly Knew You

So here I am posting again after a long stint of lollybloggerdom. It's not that I nothing to say, it's just that I've been lazy and overworked for the last couple of weeks.

Indeed there seems to be a plethora of topics lately; hurricane katrina, rising gas prices, work, and my other sister's visit with her shiny new baby.

Instead I feel like discussing my summer, and in particular my regrets over it. With September already half over and with the chill weather we've been having lately it seems like a good time to look back.

First of all it was a pretty cold summer overall. One of the coldest that I can remember with maybe only a couple of days where the temperature rose above 30 degrees. I definitely wanted to be more active outdoors this year, but I didn't really get the chance or else I never took the opportunity when it was presented. Shani and I hardly even got out for any of our usual walks. With all my bills and stuff I didn't get around to buying a bike like I wanted. The summer started pretty late too with April and May being pretty chilly.

The second thing was losing my job at the end of June. It kind of felt like everything was on hold in the weeks leading up to my last day, and then afterwards everything was a little crazy. My planned vacation was kind of postponed by my week of sickness, my sister's noisy visit, Shani's visit to the Island, and then finally by the prison which is my current job.

I know I like to complain, but believe me 5:30 a.m. is an ungodly time and it makes you go to sleep very early which puts a big crimp in one's evening plans.

The third big thing was missing out on all the usual summer activities that I think about during the long winter, but never get around to doing once summer comes around. So in the interest of making a positive change for the future rather than just whining I have decided to make a short list of stuff that I missed this summer so that I can read this next year and get my butt in gear.

paintballing
camping
going to the beach
a road trip
the Folk Fest (actually I only wanted to go to this after I heard that Loreena McKennit was playing but it was too late then)
the Fringe (Shani and I technically went, but it was very brief and we never got to see any plays)
a Taste of Edmonton
Klondike days
swimming in the Legislature fountain late at night
a football game
golfing with my Dad

No doubt there's more stuff, but there's not much use in looking backwards now. I'll just have to be much more proactive next year.

Meanwhile I'm looking forward to Fall one of my favorite seasons. Even though it is inevitability short, and we always have an early snowfall. So I'll have to cram a lot of fun into a short period of time.